"VULNERABILITY IS NOT WEAKNESS;

 IT'S OUR GREATEST MEASURE OF COURAGE."

(Brene Brown)

Sea, sand and a splash of sunset

 

MY BOOK!!!!!!

 

Blessed in Weakness

―How a Mother Found Hope, Healing and Divine Purpose Raising a Disabled Child 

As the mother of a disabled child, I've been the recipient of many gifts. Some of the greatest of these gifts have been spiritual. My mind has been enlightened with increased understanding and my soul has been expanded with greater faith, as I've searched to understand God's purpose for my son, David's, disability. Blessed in Weakness  is a compilation of the spiritual experiences I've had and the truths I've learned raising a disabled child.

Although there are still many things I do not know or understand, I can say with surety: 

• I know disability is a part of God's plan, and this is a plan of happiness.
• I know each disabled person has a unique mission to fulfill on earth and is capable of growth.
• I know Christ overcame death and we will all be resurrected. I know David will be resurrected with a body free of disability and will live with God again. 
• I know my Savior, Jesus Christ, has borne my griefs and carried my sorrows. He stands with open arms waiting to comfort me. His love and grace give me the strength to carry on. 
• I know Jesus loves David and is aware of his needs. Christ has suffered the pains of David's disability and knows how to succor him.
• Above all, I know David's body houses a strong, mature spirit. He is among the noblest of spirits--clean and pure, righteous and obedient. 

I've tried to imagine the scene in the pre-earth life when I was called to be David's mother. How honored and humbled I must have felt knowing I'd be given this special calling. 

It is a privilege.

Foreword by Carmen B. Pingree

Eugénie C. Stoll

"Uplifting and edifying"

"Unique and important"

"Outstanding and perceptive"

"This inspiring story epitomizes the paradoxes of raising a severely disabled child: unanswered questions and remarkable insights, painful rejections and startling acts of service, agonizing losses and compensatory blessings, unfulfilled dreams and unexpected miracles. Parents, neighbors, teachers and strangers will be affirmed in hope, compassion and the meaning of life and love."

WENDY ULRICH, PhD

 Available at AMAZON.COM in paperback and ebook

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=blessed+in+weakness+book&crid=CAY19QDH8C0V&sprefix=blessed+in+weakness+book%2Caps%2C109&ref=nb_sb_noss

 We will be judged not so much by what we say, 

but how we treat the vulnerable and disadvantaged.

(Dale G. Renlund)

Remembering Trisha

I scrolled down my feed a little further to make sure of what I was reading.

Trisha passed away? That can't be right. She's only 2 years younger than me and the mother of three. 

As I continued to read, the reality of the shocking news set in. She really was gone! Taken unexpectedly and without warning. 

As the reverberating echoes of WHY resounded through my head, a rush of warm, happy memories came to life. Remembrances of Trisha's smile and wicked sense of humor, her vivacious personality and infectious energy. Her warmth, kindness and generosity. 

I was blessed to serve as Trisha's mission companion for a few months in East London (Cape Town, South Africa Mission). She brought laughter, love and joy to all she did. My heart aches for her family and today I fondly honor the memory of our time together.

To know Trisha was to love her! 

(I'm on the left, Miss Samoa is on the right)

                                    (Trisha's smile could light a thousand stars)

Trisha and I were invited by the branch mission leader to sing for a missionary fireside. We politely declined, but he persisted, thinking we were just being humble or modest. He had a hard time believing us when we told him we were not good singers. As he continued to put the pressure on, we finally explained to him we had been blessed with good looks and not singing voices (This was not entirely untrue. Sister Hunt was a real life beauty queen and the AP's had crowned me with the title of, Worst Singing Voice of all the Sisters in the Mission).

After hearing of where our talents lay, the mission leader quickly abandoned the idea that we were modest or humble. At the start of the fireside he announced to the congregation that he had invited the sisters to sing, but they declined because "they thought they were too good looking to sing". Trisha and I just rolled our eyes. . . 

If there was a theme to our companionship, it was hard work and chocolate. Trisha was discovering the world beyond Hershey's and we formed an instant bond over Nestle and Cadbury's. Trisha wasn't afraid to work hard and wanted to give it her all. She asked me to take up the challenge of working a 70 hour week. We spent many hours pounding the streets of East London and knocking on doors.  When we were out tracting, Trisha loved to talk about her wedding plans. She told me about who her bridesmaids would be, what color they'd wear and how she'd name her first girl Hannah. All the while denying my prediction that she would marry Elder Ryan Paddock.    

(I'm standing with the future Mr and Mrs Paddock)

   (I think Ryan is proposing to Trisha)

Trisha and I heard a lot about the Sister Peggy Dinner Appointment from the elders. We were especially tired of hearing about how the sisters had never been invited to her house. Trisha and I decided we needed to do something about that! I pulled out my hand-me-down recipe for brownies and Trisha got to work making them. It turns out Sister Peggy loved chocolate just us as much as we did. Needless, to stay she insisted on having us over for dinner.

(Sister Peggy and a game of rummy)

Trisha's beautiful smile will live in my heart forever! There's something special about the friendships I made while on my mission. The time we spent together was relatively short, but the depth of love I have for these people is real. The Spirit cemented these bonds with an extra measure of love. 

There's also something special about the strong women who choose to serve missions. And Trisha was no exception. She quickly became a leader in her community and a pillar of strength and kindness to many. 

Thank you for the happy time we spent together. When I see you on the other side, I'll sing if you'll make the brownies!

The Power of a Mother's Love

 "You rejoice in a baby's first smile and you listen with eager ear to a child's first day at school. . .You rock a sobbing child without wondering if today's world is passing you by, because you know you hold tomorrow tightly in your arms. . .

"When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the sleeping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses?"

(Maxwell, Neal, A. "The Women of God," April 1978)

A God Who Weeps

 "There in the midst of a grand vision of humankind which heaven opened up to his view, Enoch, observing both the blessings and challenges of mortality, turns his gaze toward the Father and is stunned to see Him weeping. He says in wonder and amazement to this most powerful being in the universe: "How is it that thou canst weep?" 

 . . . Looking out on the events of almost any day God replies, "Behold these thy brethren; they are the workmanship of my hands . . . they are without affection and they hate their own blood . . . Wherefore should not the heavens weep, seeing these shall suffer?" (Moses 7)

"That single riveting scene does more to teach the true nature of God than any theological treatise could ever convey. 

" . . . What an indelible image of God's engagement in our lives! What anguish in a parent when His children do not choose Him nor "the gospel of God" He sent. How easy to love someone who so singularly loves us.

"I bear witness this day of a personal, living God, who knows our names, hears and answers prayers, and cherishes us eternally as children of His spirit. I testify that amidst the wondrously complex tasks inherent in the universe, He seeks our individual happiness and safety above all other godly concerns."

(Elder Jeffrey, R. Holland. "The Grandeur of God.")

Pioneers in the Church in South Africa

 

I found this on the Church history site. My dad, Gerald de Wet, is listed. He was among the first group of missionaries from South Africa to serve outside of their own country. He served in the Netherlands. I always knew he served a mission, but I didn't know he was the first to serve abroad.

I also found these on family search:

Elder Marion G. Romney seated on the left, standing behind him on the left is my grandpa, Ben de Wet. Taken when Elder Romney came to South Africa to organize the new Johannesburg Stake. My grandpa served as a counselor in this presidency.

President Ezra Taft Benson on the lower left and my grandpa, Ben de Wet, on the upper right.

I think you'll recognize Elder Scott and Elder Nelson--in their younger years. My grandpa, Ben de Wet, is on the left dressed in white. This photo was taken in the foyer of the Johannesburg, South Africa Temple, when my grandpa served as a counselor in the temple presidency (1992-1993). The lady in white is my great aunt, Anna de Wet (my grandpa's sister-in-law), she served as temple matron.

I come from people of great faith and its my duty to pass this legacy on. 

Published on Church Blog

 I am honored to be published on the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints Blog

Check it out: 

churchofjesuschrist.org/inspiration/blessed-by-the-temple-even-when-its-closed?lang=eng

Speaking of Angels

"We are promised that if we keep our covenants we will always have His Spirit to be with us. I believe that promise not only refers to the Holy Ghost but also to the ministering of angels, for "angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore they speak the words of Christ (2 Ne 32:3)."

(Elder Oaks, The Aaronic Priesthood and the Sacrament, Oct 1998)

"I believe we need to  speak of and believe in and bear testimony of the ministry of angels more then we sometimes do."

(Elder Holland, For a Wise Purpose, Ensign, Jan 1996)

"Ask for angels to help you."

(Elder Holland, Place No More for the Enemy of my Soul, April 2010)

Angels From Both Sides of the Veil Watched Over Him

    COVID may have robbed my brother of his physical strength, 

but it did not have the power to weaken him spiritually. 

    

    I thought if I could just make it to 2021 things would get better. And they did. January brought with it the news that Utah had started vaccinating its healthcare workers. But things also got worse. I received the news that my older brother had been hospitalized. 

    I was sitting in my car in the parking lot about to enter Costco when I answered the call from South Africa. My mom informed me that my older brother had contracted the new South African strain of COVID and had to be hospitalized because he was struggling to breathe. 

    When I ended the phone call, I just sat there in my car, stunned. The tears rolled down my cheeks as I tried to take it all in.

    But he's only 2 years older than me. 

    He doesn't even have a high risk medical condition. He's always been the strong one, the athletic one.

    He has a son who is supposed to go on a mission in a few weeks. . . 

    In that moment it became crystal clear to me about what really matters. People and family are everything. Money and goods are nothing. All we have is each other. Nothing else matters.

    My brother's condition got worse before it got better. Significantly worse, He developed pneumonia and blood clots, and was put on 95% oxygen. At one point, it looked like he might not make it. 

    I've read about how isolating COVID is and how people are dying alone in hospitals, separated from their friends and family. The reality of this isolation didn't hit me until it happened to someone I love.

    I remembered how important it was for me to be at my baby's bedside when he was in the NICU. I couldn't even begin to imagine my sister-in-law's agony as she was unable to visit her husband. And I thought of my brother all alone, day after day, night after night.

    Then I received a strong and clear impression that my brother wasn't alone. There were angels with him. 

    I immediately knew this to be true. 

    I'd had my own witness of this truth when I experienced serious medical trauma.

    Having received this impression, I then prayed specifically that my brother would be watched over by angels--deceased family members who are now on the other side of the veil. I thought of my departed grandfather, Oupie, who was strong in both body and spirit, and imagined him standing over my brother. 

    I prayed with all of my faith that my brother would be healed, knowing that in the end God's will would prevail. I reminded myself that God had a plan for my brother's life and that this was a plan of happiness. And even though my brother was suffering, Heavenly Father could "make all things work together for his good"(Romans 8:28). Most of all I clung to the truth that "with God all things are possible" (Matt. 19:26).

    My prayers were answered. My brother was watched over by angels, from both sides of the veil. The angels on this side of the veil worked 12 hour shifts, wore blue protective clothing and suffered from the heat generated by these protective layers. After being in their care for 16 days my brother was able to come home. And 8 days after that, my nephew left for his mission.

    While COVID may have robbed my brother of his physical strength, it did not have the power to weaken him spiritually. Having passed through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, he came through on the other side with a bright, unshakable knowledge of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ--their love for us and their power to heal and save us. 

    I was deeply touched by a text I received from him. In it he expressed his gratitude for being blessed with the miracle of physical healing and for receiving a second chance to live. He also testified of being blessed with spiritual healing. He reported having received a powerful and peaceful assurance that his sins had been forgiven him, after wrestling with the Lord in prayer for many hours. Overwhelmed by the power of the Savior's love for him, he then committed to spend the rest of his days cherishing his wife and serving to build up the kingdom of God. 

    I can't help but think of the promise made in Isaiah 40:31. "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint."

    It was Oupie who first introduced me to this scripture and I have loved it ever since. 

    Today it is the prayer for my brother's continued healing.

    

    (This post has been written with my brother's permission)

Be the Light

 FOR THERE IS ALWAYS LIGHT, 

IF ONLY WE'RE BRAVE ENOUGH TO SEE IT.

IF ONLY WE'RE BRAVE ENOUGH TO BE IT.

(Amanda Gorman; The Hill We Climb)

Only One Goal

    What if I woke up with only on goal in mind for the day? 

    TO BE KIND!

    To focus on the quality of my interactions with others. And in every interaction, big or small, to do my best to convey a sense of value for the other person. 

    It really shouldn't be that hard.

    When my 6-year-old is calling me to come and look at the progress he's made building lego's, for the upteenth time, can I do so with less hesitation and more genuine interest?

    When my 13-year-old needs help finding her ballet leotard that I told her to put away, can I push aside my frustration and give up a little of my time to help her find it?

    Can I be slower to react to the impatient drivers around me and quicker to thank those who serve me?

    Can I fill the world with just a little more love?

    I tend to view the success of my day by going through all the tasks I've accomplished. The more productive I am, the more successful I feel. But maybe success is more about how I make others feel and less about how many things I can check off my to-do list. 

    My day is made up of hundreds of small moments and brief interactions. But I know even the smallest and seemingly least significant of these has the power to make a difference. Even the simplest of gestures can warm a heart and brighten a day.

    I know this because I'm the recipient of many small acts of kindness. This is especially true when I'm out in the community with my disabled 16-year-old. The taller and stronger he gets, the more apparent it is how ill-equipped I am to manage him physically. 

    I remember a time when I was checking out at the grocery store. David was sitting in the berth of the cart with his knees pulled up to his chin. It was a tight fit for his lanky body, but my only assurance of containing him. When he's not in the cart, he's known to dart off, and it doesn't help that he's faster than me. 

    In that particular store he loves to ride the elevator to the upper level and take himself on a self-guided tour of the manager's office and break room. I didn't have time to play cat-and-mouse that day and I only needed a few items, so he got to ride in the cart. 

    I guess it was an unusual sight for the older Hispanic man at checkout, but he didn't respond that way. He came up to David and patted him on the back. In broken English he warmly expressed, "You a good boy. You a good boy." He then looked up at me, nodded, smiled and simply said, "I know." I know was his way of saying, I see you and I acknowledge your struggle. 

    I was touched by the warmth and sincerity of this man's genuineness. It was a short interaction, fleeting at best, but I have not forgotten it. 

    Don't underestimate the power of kindness.

    Your simple words and brief interactions have the power to make a difference in a world hungry for human contact.

 

Names for Christ in the Book of Mormon

I recorded the names for the Savior I discovered while reading the Book of Mormon. Some are repetitive and I'm sure I missed a few. Here are the 58 I found:

The Stone, Sure Foundation, Creator, Jesus Christ, Lord of Hosts, Redeemer, Savior, the Son, the Son of God, Holy One of Israel, Lord God Almighty, Messiah, Great Mediator, Holy Messiah, First Fruits unto God, Mighty One of Jacob, the God of Nature, Lamb of God, Son of the Eternal God, Savior of the World, Son of the Most High God, the Lord, the Lord God Omnipotent, God and Father of all things, Alpha and Omega, the First and the Last, Beloved, My Beloved Son, the Only Begotten of the Father, Lord of the Vineyard, Supreme Being, True and Living God, Christ, Jehovah, Immanuel, Very Eternal Father of Heaven and Earth, the Beginning and the End, Prince of Peace, Everlasting Father, Wonderful, Counselor, Almighty God, True Vine, High Priest of Good Things to Come, Master, Great Spirit, Lord of the Harvest, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob, Our Great and Eternal Head, their Rock, their Salvation, the Good Shephard, the Keeper at the Gate, Him who is Mighty to Save, the Word, a More Excellent Hope.

 

HE 

is the giver 

of all good gifts

 "What once seemed such a curse has become a blessing. All the agony that threatened to destroy my life now seems like the fertile ground for greater trust, stronger hope and deeper love.

    In our own woundedness we become a source of life to others."

(Henri Nouwen)

Blessed by the Temple, Even When it's Closed

  "Let me emphasize, whether you have access to a temple or not, you 

need a current temple recommend to stay firmly on the covenant path. . .

Being worthy to hold a current temple recommend is both a protection

 from the adversary . . . and a promise that the Spirit will be with you."   

(Elder Rasband; Oct 2020) 

    It was a long, hard day. Some days just are. When I woke up wanting to cry, for no apparent reason, I knew I'd be facing an uphill struggle. Depression and I are well acquainted, although I wouldn't call us friends. It always shows up uninvited and stays too long. Over the years I've learned to recognize this intruder and muster through its stifling presence. 

    It didn't help when I received the news that David, my severely autistic 16-year-old, wouldn't be returning to school the next week, as had been planned. His school reported they were struggling with a staffing shortage and weren't able to provide a return date.

    I had been counting down the weeks and days until he returned. I told myself Dave and I could get through one more week. So much for that, David would now be going into his seventh month of being home all day. 

    I pushed myself to get through the responsibilities of the day. I tried working on mindfulness and a few other strategies designed to help me feel better. But it was no use. I still felt bad. Sometimes, the heavy weight of depression eases as the day progresses. But not that day.

    By early evening I was done trying to make myself feel better and I was done trying to be productive. I found myself slumped into the couch waiting for bedtime. I had reached the conclusion sleep was my best option. Maybe I'd feel better in the morning. 

    "A member of the bishopric is going to call at 7pm to do my temple recommend interview. Do you want to do yours at the same time?" my husband, Rob, asked. 

    "I don't have to do it today, do I?" I asked.

    "You might as well."

    The idea of doing a recommend interview over the phone felt a little awkward. But the real reason for my hesitation was how bad I felt. I wasn't opposed to renewing my recommend, just not then. What if I started to cry when asked how I was doing? Besides, it's not like I needed my recommend right away. The temples were closed due to the pandemic. 

    The bishop's counselor was prompt and called at 7. I was irritated when I heard Rob on the phone telling the counselor how well things were going for us at home. Sure, we were getting by, but it wasn't easy. We were all feeling the strain of the restrictions imposed by Covid-19.

    When it was my turn to speak I made sure to tell the person on the other end that I had had a really long day. After some chit-chat about the challenge of teaching a 5-year-old to use Google Classroom, the first counselor got to the point and asked me the first question. 

    "Yes," I responded. I could barely get the word out when I started to choke up. I had to work really hard to push back the tears and compose myself to answer the next question.  

    It was such an unexpected and intense emotional response, it took me by surprise. I'd been concerned about crying during the interview, but not for this reason. The emotion I felt at that moment didn't come from feeling depressed, it came from the Spirit. The moment I said "yes" and affirmed my faith in Jesus Christ, I felt a rush of goodness, warmth and spiritual joy enter my being.  

    My temple recommend had actually expired 3 months earlier, but because temples were closed and I hadn't needed to use it, I didn't notice its expiration. It wasn't until I felt the rush of the Holy Ghost's presence, that I realized what I'd been missing out on for the past 3 months. I'd been starving myself of much needed spirituality. 

    The beautiful feeling of comfort and joy that I received during my interview, stayed with me for the rest of the evening. The dark, heavy feeling that had overshadowed my day was dispelled and replaced with warmth and goodness.

    I've often gone to the temple seeking relief when I'm struggling with depression and it has always helped improve my mental health. This time I wasn't able to go to the temple to help myself feel better, but I was still blessed with the emotional healing I'd receive from going. It was as if I had attended the temple that day. 

    I gained a new understanding and testimony of the importance of having a temple recommend. Even when we don't have access to a temple, we can still receive temple blessings by maintaining a current recommend. 

Becoming One Through Shared Weakness

    

 "God is not disgusted with our weaknesses, or our sickness, or our sorrow. He sees in them the seeds of our sanctification, the way in which we can become like His Son. Weaknesses are a key in the pattern as to how the Lord works with us. . .

    "When Jesus came to the Nephites at the temple in  Bountiful, why did He have them touch his wounds? . . . I think He calls us all to touch the woundedness in Him and in ourselves so that we can be one with Him. Real initimacy comes through shared weaknesses, not strengths . . .

    "It's significant to me that the Savior asked us to always remember Him in the context of an ordinance where we are to recall Him at His most human moment when He asked for another way through suffering, when He asked why He had been forsaken, when He thirsted and was in anguish of body and spirit. During the sacrament we are led to contemplate His being broken up like the bread and poured out like the water. . .

    "I think there was something about touching Jesus' woundedness that built a Zion culture in ways touching His strengths would not have done."

(Smith, T., C.  "An Anatomy of Troubles," AMCAP. October 3, 2008)

Canvas in the Sky

Canyon Rim, Salt Lake City

 Don't forget, 

beautiful sunsets, 

need cloudy skies.

(Paulo Coelho)

STANDING FIRM AGAINST THE STORM

     Last week we had a wind storm, with winds that reportedly measured at 91 to 112 mph. Many people woke up to no power, broken branches and uprooted trees. About 1000 trees were toppled in Salt Lake City. 

    I marveled at the sight of majestic pine trees lying on their sides with upended roots--a sight I'd not seen before. 

(Sugar House park)

    I couldn't  help but wonder why some trees remained standing, while others didn't. An analogy started to form in my mind as I contemplated a verse of scripture. Helaman 5:12, ". . . that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation whereon if men build they cannot fail."

    I later read that some of the trees came down because they were weakened by fungi or broken roots. Others came down because of the soil they were planted in, or the lack of surrounding trees to help anchor their roots. 

    I wondered, 

    What is it that keeps me standing in the midst of storms? 

    How strong is my root system?

    How am I staying anchored to Christ?

    The first answer I can think of is having church at home. Bringing the ordinance of the sacrament into my home has been a special privilege with a sanctifying influence. As we've gathered together to worship in our living room, I've felt a stregthening power that has bolstered my family.

    We've grown closer together and my house now feels a little more sacred. My love for my husband has increased as I've watched him, dressed up in a white shirt and tie, administer this ordinance to our little family. I hope my children will remember this special time, when we gathered together and found spiritual safety in the shelter of our home. 

    Family prayers and scripture study have also brought us peace and strength. It has taken some diligence to stay on track with our Book of Mormon reading. But I know it is always worth the effort. When we come together at night to read the scriptures, I feel a good, warm assurance I'm arming my children with the strength they need to stand firm against the storms of life.